Take Control: 5 Steps to Achieve Your Goals
Feeling overwhelmed and like life is running you over? You’re not alone. Many people feel powerless and out of control, especially when juggling work, family, and daily demands.
But there’s a powerful way to reclaim your life and your time: by setting a meaningful personal goal. Research shows that even in the midst of chaos, adding something important to your life can immediately make you feel more in control.
This isn’t about adding more to your plate; it’s about inserting something that lifts you up, giving you a sense of purpose and reminding you that you are more than just your responsibilities. Think of it as a life raft in a stormy sea.
A personal goal anchors you because it’s something you’ve chosen, something you deem important, and something you can control. It’s a part of your life that external pressures can’t take away.
This article outlines five science-backed rules to help you clarify your desires, avoid common pitfalls, and successfully pursue your goals. These strategies have been tested and proven effective, whether for launching a podcast, writing a book, or pursuing smaller, personal aspirations like improving cooking skills or volunteering.
Rule 1: Decide What You Want and Write It Down
This might sound obvious, but it’s the most frequently missed step. Most people keep their goals in their heads, making them vague and unreachable.
You can’t hit a target you can’t see. Getting clear about what you truly want is the first crucial step.
As Oprah Winfrey noted, many people get stuck because they never take the time to define what they want. In our busy lives, it’s easy to say, “I don’t have time” or “I’m too tired.” But your personal goals are extraordinarily important, especially when life feels overwhelming. Not writing them down means they remain just thoughts, easily forgotten amidst daily demands.
Consider how long you’ve been thinking about a specific activity, like volunteering, painting, or updating your website. Simply thinking about it doesn’t move you closer to achieving it; it can even cause frustration. Writing down your goal makes it concrete and signals to yourself that you are serious about pursuing it.
If you’re unsure what to write, reflect on the problems you’re trying to solve in your life. For example, Mel Robbins’ husband, Chris, felt a lack of community. His problem became his goal: to create a meditation circle.
He dedicated one hour a week to hosting it, finding a space and promoting it locally. This simple act provided him with connection and meaning, demonstrating how a personal problem can fuel a powerful goal.
Similarly, Mel Robbins herself didn’t initially aim to start a business. Her personal goal was to prioritize her health. After her daughter expressed concern about her well-being, Mel focused on increasing her protein intake.
When she found it difficult to consume enough protein daily, she decided to solve the problem herself by co-founding Pure Genius Protein. This shows how a personal challenge can evolve into a meaningful pursuit.
James Clear, author of the bestselling book *Atomic Habits*, states, “Clarity is freedom.” Knowing what’s important to you gives you the freedom to ignore distractions. When a goal is clear and important, like picking up a child from daycare on time, other tasks often become secondary. This clarity helps you prioritize and focus your energy effectively.
Neurosurgeon and neuroscientist Dr. Jim Dodie, who founded the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research, explains that the brain changes through repetition. To make a goal stick, engage multiple senses. Write your goal down physically, read it silently, then read it aloud.
Visualize yourself achieving it, engaging emotions and details. This process, also used by Olympians and pilots in simulators, builds neural pathways, making the goal feel more real and achievable.
This multi-sensory approach helps override the negative self-talk and doubt that can derail your efforts. By writing down and visualizing your goal, you create stronger connections in your brain, making it more likely you’ll act on it. This is essential for overcoming the internal resistance that tells you “I can’t” or “It’s too late.”
Rule 2: Fire Your Family (Don’t Rely on Them for Support)
This rule sounds harsh, but it’s about protecting your personal goals. Your goals are for you, not for your family. While you might expect your family to be your biggest cheerleaders, they may not understand or support your aspirations, especially if they haven’t experienced similar pursuits.
If your family doesn’t share your goal or understand why it’s important to you, they can’t effectively support you in achieving it. Their lack of understanding isn’t a reflection on you, but on their own experiences. Your goals are ultimately your responsibility, not theirs.
Consider Mel Robbins’ daughter, Sawyer, who dreamed of backpacking solo through Asia for five months. Her mother, initially fearful, argued against it.
Fortunately, Sawyer didn’t rely on her mother’s support because she had “fired her” as her primary support system for this goal. She pursued her dream because it was deeply meaningful to her, knowing she’d regret not doing it.
Similarly, Mel’s husband, Chris, is writing a book. He didn’t ask Mel to read his manuscript or get involved in its details.
He found support through a writing group, focusing on his daily writing practice. By not expecting his family to be his primary support team, he maintains ownership and momentum for his goal.
The power of this rule lies in realizing you can pursue something meaningful for yourself without needing external validation. Your goals are for your own growth and fulfillment. This doesn’t mean you have to go it alone, but rather that your family shouldn’t be your *only* or *primary* support system.
Building Your Support Team
While you “fire” your family as the main support, you can and should build a team. For Mel Robbins, starting her podcast involved seeking advice from friends like Jay Shetty and studying successful podcasters. She built her team by identifying experts and learning from their experiences.
Your support team can come from various sources. This could include online communities, professional groups, mentors, or even classes related to your goal. For example, a senior producer on Mel’s podcast took an online master gardening course to enhance her skills, effectively recruiting a team of knowledge and support.
When you “fire” your family from being the sole source of support, you take full responsibility for your goals. This prevents you from pursuing goals you feel you *should* want due to family pressure. Instead, you focus on what truly matters to you.
Key Health Takeaways
- Setting a personal, meaningful goal can increase your sense of control and well-being, even when life is chaotic.
- Clearly define your goal and write it down to make it concrete and increase your commitment.
- Reflect on problems in your life; solving them can be a powerful source of motivation for your goals.
- Engage multiple senses—writing, reading aloud, and visualizing—to strengthen your brain’s commitment to your goal.
- Don’t rely on family for primary support for your personal goals; find or create a dedicated support team.
- Your goals are your responsibility, offering a path to personal fulfillment and self-discovery.
Remember, these strategies are designed to empower you to take control of your life and achieve what matters most. By applying these principles, you can navigate challenges and build a more fulfilling future.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions about your health or treatment.
Source: My Process For Achieving Goals: How to Change Your Life in 5 Simple Steps (YouTube)
